so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
