He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
