I heard we made out
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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