forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
