how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
soo... how was my night?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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