too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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