I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
