I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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