Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
