You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
