I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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