I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
