Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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