you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
