Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I love having hate sex.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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