You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
