i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize