Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
