She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
