I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
