yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize