Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
