Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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