i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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