I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
