I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
