living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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