Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
