ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
