his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
