Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
