After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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