I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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