I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will pee on everything he values.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
