man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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