conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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