worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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