My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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