she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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