someone threw a dead crab at me
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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