3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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