As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I think your dad took our porno
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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