why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i now understand why vodka
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
