I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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