Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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