So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
