Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
