so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
there is puke in my bra ... again
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