you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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