youre lurking in front of me
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
