my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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