So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
