We're facebook friends in real life
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
