I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
