Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
