id be glad to
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
