In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize