I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
