Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
two words: eviction party
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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