I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just wanna soil my oats bro
North Korea, Best Korea!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
