I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize