Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
