We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
