What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
