don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
