so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
