You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we're making bets on your personal life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize