so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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