you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
