and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize