we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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