If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
