1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize