my vag is so smooth its legendary
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you would pick up someone in the library
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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