i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
