I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
