ya dads aren't the best wingmen
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
