I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its liver damage thursday
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