but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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