he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
PANTIES FOUND
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