I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
