Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
