I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
