Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
