The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize