can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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