Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
