ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
