In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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