I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
