Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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