well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
