last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was CRYING into my vagina
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
