you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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