I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
