Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
