I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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