Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
