I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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