Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
