just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize