in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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