Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
