Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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