I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
