wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
