My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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